Merry Christmas!

So, this is not booger's first Christmas, but we are treating it as such. Last year, he was all of four weeks old. Thus, hubby and I are going slightly stir crazy waiting for him to wake up. We have my mom and my favorite uncle, along with (hopefully!) booger's godfather on their way over to watch him open presents and have breakfast. I am craving tradition right now, and I have no idea what is happening to me. Suddenly, I have (gasp!) purchased a Christmas decoration, and gotten as much into the spirit as someone who is working as much as I do is capable of. So today starts the tradition day. We will spend the morning here, and against my better judgement, go to my mom's for lunch about 2. Then we will go to my sister's like I have every year for the past 14 years for dinner. MMMMM, meatballs and spaghetti! I can not wait. I am still trying to decide when we are going to read the Christmas story and sing Happy Birthday to Jesus, since my family does not believe in Jesus, God, and the like. Esp. my uncle, and he gets very angry when we pray around him. But this is my tradition. So there. Peace, genuine peace today. Kiss your family and eat too much!

This makes me sick

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15197558/

Long story short, this woman came home from a night of drinking and got into a fight with her baby daddy. She used her infant as a "bat" to hit said baby daddy, and the infant has a fractured skull and bleeding on the brain. I can not believe that there are people on this planet who struggle every day to have children, but are unable to. And then there are people like this who have four other children and abuse their kids. Absolutely repulsive. I would love to use her as a bat to hit a building or metal wall. But instead, I just pray these five children are placed in a loving Christian home with people who love them as much as they are able.

Accomplishments

My good friend just finished her last final of her college career today. There is such a sense of pride I have for her. She has worked so hard to finish within four and a half years, which is almost impossible as of lately. She also has run a salon, worked three jobs at a time, interned at one of the most prominent companies in the world, and been a great friend throughout these years. It is funny, I have known her since she was a freshman and watched her grow into an amazing woman. Love ya babe!! Congratulations, I am so proud.

Only because Jill asked me to...

Well, I survived. My kid turned one, and I only cried once. It is amazing. It feels like just yesterday I got the phone call telling me I was pregnant, and I called my hubby to figure out what in the world we would do with another person to care for. And now, he is walking. Not talking so much, but singing. A lot. He loves Josh Kelley the most, and keeps a tune rather well. He is certainly not my child. Looking back on the past year with someone very wise today reminded me that this year is something to celebrate, not to mourn. He is starting his second year of life eating wheat, along with table foods, drinking from a sippy cup, walking, talking, and is healthy. In addition, I have learned to trust God more in a lot of situations, although like most of us, I still try to grab control at times. I was told recently that God is testing my faith with his allergies. So I decided to let God have his way. Since, I have not paid for more than two cans of formula. AND he has outgrown some of his allergies. God is good. Oh, and I am officially avoiding the scale until after cinnamon ice cream season is over.

Two more things I am thankful for...

*Friends who are willing to share HUGE chocolate chips from their black raspberry chip ice cream.
*CINNAMON ICE CREAM!!! (graeter's) It may mean I am the happiest person ever.
And do not laugh if I gain ten pounds during this ice cream season.

Hmmm.....

I am struggling with a lot of inner issues, none of which I feel the need to go into deep detail about, but it is slowly eating me alive. I have been engulfed with these problems for far too long. I know that God will provide a way out of this situation, but it is still difficult. I need to surround myself in prayer and God's word more. I need to be more disciplined. I need to grow more in Him. But I am too lazy. So this is my prayer. I want to be closer to God this last month of the year than I was in November. And in January, more than December. Let's hope this is a positive change. So when you talk to me, be encouraging. I need all the lovin I can get.

What I am thankful for

*I have a wonderful husband that loves me so much, and is willing to have terrible conversations with me, even if it means being upset sometimes. And is willing to love me, even if I am fat and awful.
*My beautiful son is AMAZING, getting more like a little man every day. He is walking independently, bending over to pick things up on his own, and talking up a storm. So far, he is being healed of his allergies slowly but surely.
*God has shown me love in a whole new way this year, through friends, family, and His love, grace, and mercy.
*Wilson has the most wonderful school environment we could ever ask for. His teachers are as concerned with his health as we are.
*We have jobs. Although they may not be the best, they are jobs that provide.
*We have fantastic friends and family. I am just so thankful for all of them, no matter how much I forget to appreciate them.
*God loves ME!
*I am FREE!

Just a thought ;)

Growth brings change...

Lately I have been struggling with my son's health issues. He will be one in eight days, and is still dependent on formula. He will not eat finger foods, mostly because we are at a loss of what to give him. He is allergic to numerous foods, and it is hard to find things he can have safely. My sister has been pressuring me to get a second opinion, so I called a pediatric allergist. No better way than to see a specialist, right? We went this morning, and had a skin prick test. I had a difficult time with that, it seems so barbaric. They basically stuck his little back with eighteen foods that he has shown some reaction to, along with other varieties to hopefully give us some hope. There have been a lot of people praying for him, including his parents. Today, we got amazing news. Booger is no longer allergic to wheat, peas, or cherries. While this seems small compared to the severity of his peanut, tree nut, cow's milk, soy, banana, and dog dander, it opens a whole new world to us with relation to his eating habits. MY BABY CAN HAVE CHEERIOS!! HE CAN HAVE PUFFS!! While it seems so silly to some, this is the biggest step for us. We are now waiting for next week's meeting with a nutritionist for more options and solutions to help our family adjust to giving him new foods. There is a 50% chance he will outgrow milk, soy, egg, and banana by his second birthday, 75% by his third, 85% by his fourth. The doctors are trying to get our helath insurance to cover the formula, and hopefully that will help our finances. I know God is going to heal him, and apparently it is going to take time, but it will happen. I know it. This is such a relief to us, and we are so grateful.
We also got word that as of now, our brother will be leaving in June for deployment. This is six months later than we were anticipating, so I will take it. Patience, it's a pain in the butt but totally worth it.

Oh, by the way, the dr. also said the best way to get rid of these allergies is total avoidance. That means a few more years of no nuts at all. So keep reading labels when we are around!!

Learning....or at least trying to

So, at church we have been learning about seasons and growth. This is a crucial part of my learning process right now. I am in fall right now, trying to let things die, such as my worrying weakness, my insecurities, and my family (mostly health issues.) All the while, I am going to let things go, die, freeze over, etc. in order to allow healthy growth in my life. I want to grow. I want to know God more intimately. I want to be a better mom, wife, friend, hairstylist, etc. I am inspired by someone very close to hubby's heart who is no longer with us. Everyone she ever came across was touched by her kindness, joy, love. She WAS Christ's love on Earth. She exuded the fruits that I strive to show the world. I am trying to work on this very much. I want my son to know God through his family as well as through his own personal walk.

PEACE!

Bigger Frick...

So, we just got the results of booger's allergy test. He is officially allergic to: peanuts, tree nuts, soy, wheat, milk, eggs, cherries, bananas, and peas, and dogs. We are now on formula that will cost probably equivalent to a car payment a month. Not to be too much of a downer, but our finances are super crunched anyway, and now we have this on top of it. I don't know, God is certainly trying to teach me something. I have already surrendered everything financial to Him, and I know that He will provide. It's just going to be a rough ride. And somehow I can not shake this sinking feeling that I am hurting my child. Every time I feed him something, it makes him sick. This is a strange sensation as a parent, whose job is to protect my child with every ounce of my being. What a strange ride this parent thing is...more to come I suppose.

Frick...

Well, this week we found out that hubby's grandma is sick. Like really sick. Like we have to go let booger see her for the first time before its too late. His grandparents took me on as their own after I lost my granny a few years ago, and I can not stand the thought of losing her. So we are headed to Florida ASAP to see them. If we do not make solid plans in the future, that's why.
Next stupid thing that's happening, a good friend of mine came over tonight with his girlfriend. He is leaving very soon for Iraq. We love him very much, and he is a fantastic friend. I know this is what he signed up for, but it doesn't make it easier. He is going to miss booger's first and second birthdays, all of the holidays with his family, his niece, etc. I just think about his family and worry.
Even worse, we just found out, like minutes ago, brother in law will be in Iraq in January. This may be killing me. I have been so proud of him, and again, I know he signed up for this, but he is my brother. I love him. I worry. So just keep everyone in your prayers. This is going to be a rough holiday season for us.

I feel old...

Well, I did it. I turned twenty-five. I am officially one quarter of a century old. And it is eating away at me with every ounce of my being. Why is it that if two people are married that long, its an accomplishment, but I have managed to stay alive and out of jail or any major trouble that long, but its no big deal? A lot of people tell me I am so young, it's no big deal, etc., but I am genuinely taking it hard. I think all of my life, twenty-five has been "that age," where you are really an adult. And I still have no degree, no money in the bank, no retirement, nothing. Granted, I have a WONDERFUL hubby, baby, and friends. I have a home that I like enough to live in a while, and a fine job, but I just feel like I should be more accomplished by this age. Then I look at other people my age or older that do not have half of what I do and feel selfish and ungrateful. Oh, I did get to celebrate in style! Some of my favorite people joined me at the Twentieth Century Theater for the Josh Kelley show, and goodness was it fun! It was an amazing show, as we have come to expect from Mr. Kelley, but we also got to hang out with him and his band after the show! He sang me "Happy Birthday" twice along with another song, got a couple of autographs, and just watched them hang out and live life. It is nice to see such talented people who get done with "their job" continue to play, sing, and enjoy music even after the lights go down. All in all, probably the best birthday celebration ever, although the hardest one ever. Here's to enjoying the next two months leading up to the big #1 also!
Cheers

Crap hole?!?

I forgot to mention that Oklahoma, especially the city of Lawton, is terrible. I think when God created that area, he just took his least favorite parts of the US and dumped them there. It was HUGE news that they were getting an Olive Garden. Really?!? And who ever thought I would appreciate Cincinnati? I guess it took a genuine crap hole to do that.

Pride

So as a lot of you know, my brother (in-law, but really just my brother) Matt just graduated from boot camp. I have never been "that person." You know the one that has the American flag up, or support our troops stickers, or even someone who believes the war is just. But after seeing Matt go through what he has the last eight weeks, and the pride he has, it made me so proud. He has become a polite, strong, wonderful man. And although I love him more than he probably knows, I feel even more close to him now. This is probably the biggest and best thing he has done thus far in his 21 years of life. In addition, he is going to start college classes. I feel like a proud momma seeing her boy grow up into a wonderful man. Heck, I am crying as I write this. And I am not a crier. Let's hope he doesn't see this. Someone still has to keep him in line, even if it means not telling him exactly how much he means to us. Although I think making him my best man AND naming my kid after him may give him a small inkling. Oh, and I have become somewhat of that person. I bought a "MY brother is in the army" shirt. And I am wearing it proudly. And frequently.

wow.

SO, today I got to spend time with some people who are very important. I was amazed at how much I can actually like my mom from time to time, and also how much she loves my son. He genuinely is the new man in her life. Although she drives me crazy spoiling him, its very sweet. I also got to spend time with someone I have known for several years who I care about very much. I found out she is going to have a child, all alone. This worries me, but I know she is strong enough to take care of everything, and I hope she knows I am here. You can only say so much to someone. I also hope she makes the right decisions for her. This is still a secret to many, but please join me in saying a prayer for her over the next few months. Reflecting back on my new mommy nerves, I know how great hubby was and how much support, and hopefully I can mirror a bit of that to her. Wow. This is overwhelming.

Friends

Well, there has apparently been a lot going on lately that I am unaware of. Friends leaving relationships, getting over people, and at the same time, others are starting new ones. And somehow, I am out of it all. I feel like an awful friend, major things are happening in some of my closest friends' lives and I have missed it all. But I guess this is part of being a mom. I find myself with less and less free time and more and more mom requirements are coming due of me as booger continues to grow. I still want to be there for them, and I think they know that. I just have to say a prayer that certain friends continue to find strength they need to get through tough times. And at the same time, we really need that as well, both as individuals and as a family. I love my family, no matter how crazy they drive me. They are my backbone. And, I must say, I have a pretty adorable little booger that loves his momma.

ok i am selling out...

so i have no soul. none at all. those of you who know me know that i HATE apple for many reasons. and i have avoided purchasing anything by them for almost twenty five years. and i am about to sell out. i am desperate for the new ipod nano. i want the project red one. so much that i can not stand it. that is the only thing i am now asking for for my birthday. no rudi jersey, no new glasses, no wine goblets, just my ipod. oh my gosh i am the biggest sell out ever. but i still will never purchase anything from itunes. i just can't do it. that may be crossing the line. so wish me luck on my endeavor of selling my soul to satan aka steve jobs.

who wants a baby??

so i am tying so hard to be ok with all of the baby's illnesses. i really am. it just seems like for the past month it has been one thing or another. i don't know how much more i can take. at the dr's office they know my voice. and he is only nine months old. what a stressor! this time, he has been vomiting. everywhere. and my truck smells like baby vomit, oh and i got to watch him play in it yesterday. all over his new car seat. i admit, i totally freaked out on hubby. but after we found out what was wrong, i have this eerie calm about it. just like everything will be ok. i know that God will take care of him, after all, he has survived having us as parents this long. :) i also know he is a strong kid, anyone who can do as well as he has with all of the crap he has been through can get through blisters on their mouth and throat. the best part is i am trying so hard to stay positive. i know he will be ok, i really do. he is such a happy booger. when hubby brought him to see me today at work, his eyes lit up like it was the best thing ever to see his mamma. there is just nothing better. i just pray God will continue to give me strength.